I have for many years now been reading and talking about sustainability and seeing my students take that out into the world in many different ways, using their passion to find new ways of doing things and having different conversations – breaking down silos, being wholistic big picture, lateral thinkers. It’s the old adage, if we keep trying to do or think about things in the same way, we will get the same result.
It is possible for logical and lateral thinkers to mix, and though it may not always be comfortable it is important if new ideas, new ways of doing come about to make a positive difference in our world.
Today, there are many people talking about leadership – how to do it, good leaders and bad leaders, authoritarian leaders, agile leaders, resilient leaders, courses and books. I have been co-developing a Resilient Leadership Program with Wendy Campbell and 5 other mentors – an ongoing process yet one where we welcome you to start your own journey with us. Our sense of leadership is based on developing our knowledge of ourselves and others with a sense of kindness and flourishing, we acknowledge it is a journey rather than something, once learned, it is all you need to know.
To me, conscious leadership means that before we can begin to know others, we need to know – be conscious of- ourselves. Why do we do the things we do, what or who triggers us to behave in a certain way. Is that way of behaving who we want to ‘be’, what some call, our most authentic self. Will we ever ‘be’ that person? Perhaps we can intentionally practice this ‘being’ until it comes naturally??
While this may seem a bit self absorbing, it helps us to recognise what sets us off and to find ways of responding differently, to listen more to ourselves and to others.
How many times have you actually listened to yourself in a conversation, what you are saying, or agreeing with. How does what other people are saying, the way they are saying it, fashion how you respond? Complaining about work, money, life, it’s not up to me? Negativity can be one of the most easily caught ‘bugs’! Sometimes, the hardest yet most positive thing to do is just to walk away from the conversation instead of getting caught up in the vicarious need to know all the gory details.
That said, there is no better feeling than feeling listened to, when someone has given you their full attention and listened – not for the superficial niggles but listened for what was being communicated underneath – frustation, fear, concern, love…. How often has that happened to you? Probably you could easily count those times and, thinking back, remember how good it felt.
Some people are naturally great listeners. I used to put on my CV that I was a good listener though what I know now about listening is that I may have paid some attention to what the person was saying but my brain was going a million miles an hour thinking about what they had said and what story or angle could I come up with to agree with or counter their argument! What advice could I offer about what they should do? In reality, most people don’t want your advice and their head is probably equally full of their own list of ‘shoulds’ that they berate themselves with every day.
If you can just listen, many times, people come up with their own solutions.
Adam Kahane was working in a scenario planning process in South Africa when apartheid was being dismantled and activists were becoming future leaders. He discovered that as a facilitator, the best conversations happened and the most progress towards solutions was made when he stepped back and let people talk and listen to each other. He realised that he had to put his ego and the sense of needing to be in control that many of us feel we need aside and to be comfortable that the process will work. This ‘letting go’ and ‘letting happen’ are also part of Otto Scharmer’s Theory U process.
In the world today, there are so many tensions and disruptions, people feeling unheard and undervalued on all sides – US, Brexit, terrorism etc etc. Hildy Gottlieb and her colleagues at Creating the Future have consciously set out to design ways in which people can come together to talk and to be listened to. Especially, those who, on the surface, are people you might not necessarily agree with. She talks about the Continuum of Potential as a framework for meeting people where they are and creating favourable conditions for them to step into their potential. Using Catalytic Thinking and Decision Making, we have practised listening…. and we learned that practising is an ongoing thing. I don’t think anyone would say they are perfect at it.
